nokiabae:

my biggest fear is I’m married & my husband says, “let’s cut sugar out of our diet” so I have to leave with the kids in the middle of the night

(via condom)


waitress: i'm sorry we're all out of mozzarella sticks
waitress: sir please stop cyring

That’s not a name. I don’t have a niece.

(Source: isobelstevenz, via officialwhitegirls)



asian:

The sunset was beautiful today

asian:

The sunset was beautiful today

(via vaginiall)



epic-humor:

sloth-grunge:

trying to comfort someone like

image

(via officialwhitegirls)


sickening-hurts:

dennys:

sprawlerr:

why does dennys have a tumblr

why do you

image

(Source: rabbitling, via dangit-bill)


90s Animal Planet: Animals are cool, kids! They can be your friends! But watch out, some are dangerous! Ooh, watch Jeff Corwin handle the most venomous snake in Africa! Aw, look at the tiger babies! Oh, let's learn about conserving the environment! Remember kids, we must respect this planet, because it's the animals' home as well!
2013 Animal Planet: ANIMALS WILL FUCKING KILL YOU. And guess what? PARASITES WILL TOO! Yes I know those aren't really animals, I guess. OH YEAH HERE'S SOME PSEUDO-SCIENCE ABOUT BIGFOOT. He's an animal too, right? WATCH THIS WOMAN GET EATEN BY HER PET CHIMPANZEE. ANIMALS ARE SCARY, KIDS. BE CAUTIOUS AROUND YOUR PET LIZARD OK. oh look kittens!
~~~~~
90s History Channel: Here kids, we're gonna talk about this society today. History from all time periods and all countries. Isn't this stuff fascinating? Watch us dig up a tomb!
Early 2000's History Channel: So there's this guy named Hitler. And he's pretty bad. Let us tell you how bad Hitler is. Hitler. Hitler. Hitler. Hitler. More Hiltler. Hey have you heard about this guy named Hitler?
2013 History Channel: Aliens moonshiners aliens rednecks aliens pawnshops aliens aliens aliens hey have we mentioned aliens because aliens
2014 History Channel: Was Hitler an Alien?

raptorific:

I see how it is. Rihanna can wear a shiny, completely transparent dress in public and everyone loves it, but when I did it, I was “wasting saran wrap” and “ruining Easter, Daniel.”

(via evaded)


raptorific:

I see how it is. Rihanna can wear a shiny, completely transparent dress in public and everyone loves it, but when I did it, I was “wasting saran wrap” and “ruining Easter, Daniel.”

(via evaded)


embarrassmental:

narcotic:

what if people named their kids when they turn 18 so the kid has a name that fits its personality

image

(via explosivedicks)


perchu:

eating in class when ur not supposed to

image

(via profiting)



pancaikes:

son get over here

pancaikes:

son get over here

(Source: blowoffs, via boss-browbabe)